


It Takes More Than Fucking Someone You Don't Know To Keep Warm

by SannaNight



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: BAMF Stiles, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, Derek is a Good Alpha, Dying Stiles, Emotional Hurt, M/M, Not Really Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-02-11 18:15:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2078214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SannaNight/pseuds/SannaNight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eight years has passed since Stiles left Beacon Hills. Stiles has been to college in New York, got himself a job and  a decent life even though the supernatural keeps coming after him.<br/>Stiles keeps himself busy with work so that he has excuses not to come back to Beacon Hills but when he gets an invitation to the high school reunion he has to come back.<br/>Even though he looks forward to seeing the pack again he is unsure of his decision to come back. When he gets there he gets an unpleasant surprise. Derek. He did not expect Derek to be there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> Just have to mention that everyone is alive in this one because 1) I need them to be for the story to work  
> 2) I would like them to be alive on the show  
> 3)I just liked Allison, Boyd, Erica and Aiden, okay?   
> Enjoy! :)

“This is such a bad idea...” Stiles sighed as Scott changed his black shirt to a white one.

“Come one dude, it's our reunion!” Scott tried.

“There will be another one in just a few years!” Stiles exclaimed and flailed with his arms.

“ _Stiiiiiiles_! You'll meet the pack again! You've been in New York, working, all this time! The only one you've met since you left for college is me!” Scott complained.

“Not true. I met Lydia once.” Stiles tried but knew Scott would win this one.

“That was one time in your first year of college! You spoke to her, like, five minutes and then you rushed away to some class you were late to!”

“Fine...” Stiles sighed and shrugged.

Scott struggled with his tie and it looked like he was trying to strangle himself. Lucky for him Allison came in and rushed to his aid. She quickly fixed the tie and Scott gave her a thankful look. She turned to Stiles and seemed to stop breathing. It was like she hadn't realized it was him for the first five minutes she'd been in the room.

“St..Stiles...” She stuttered and then her arms grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. Stiles laughed and hugged her back. It had been eight years since they last saw each other and she still looked the same, though her hair was a bit shorter. Of course they had spoken over the phone countless of times, and Stiles had made sure to text them all once in a while, but this was different. He patted her back and then she let go of him.

“It's good to see you to Allison.” Stiles laughed.

She smiled and nodded.

“So how have you been? Moving in with Scott must have been hard for you.” Stiles joked and Scott hit his arm but laughed along with Stiles and Allison.

“It's been good. I've bonded with my dad a lot and he and Scott is starting to get along very well. “ She said and Stiles nodded, Scott had mentioned it.

“Are you gonna wear that to our first reunion?” Allison suddenly asked.

Stiles looked down on himself. Black tight jeans, blue converse, a white shirt and a dark red beanie on his head.

“Yeah..?” He said, looking at Allison and Scott's disapproving looks.

“Okay...” They both said at the same time and shared a weird look.

Ah hell no.

“Lydia isn't coming here, is she?” He asked.

Scott and Allison looked at each other again and that was all the answer Stiles needed.

“Alright, I'll take that as my que to leave.” He said and walked out of the room.

But as Stiles put his jacket on he received a text from Lydia.

 

**From:** Lydia (7:12)

“Sorry sorry sorry sorry! I won't

be able to come meet you at Scott

and Allison's house! But we'll see

each other later!

Xoxo Lyds.”

 

Stiles exhaled in relief, hung his jacket up again and returned to Scott and Allison's bedroom.

“Lydia texted. She's not coming but we'll meet her there with Jackson I presume.” Stiles said as he entered the room. 

“Yeah, I got a text as well.” Allison said.

“What do you say about we'll go get a bite before we go to the reunion?” Scott asked, Allison and Stiles agreed loudly. 

 

***************************

 

Stiles was going to die. The reunion was a mistake, a total disaster. Sure it had been fun meeting Lydia, Boyd, Isaac, Ethan, Aiden, Danny and even Jackson but when Erica and Derek walked in, Stiles thought he was going to break apart at the spot. He hadn't counted on meeting Derek , like, at all. Especially not with Erica like that.  
They were holding hands, looking all couple-ish and cute. It took all Stiles had not to puke. Something Scott had failed to mention was that Derek and Erica were dating, because Derek wouldn't be at their reunion if they weren't. Maybe Scott had tried to spare Stiles fragile heart from this by not mentioning it just because Stiles had been head over heels in love with Derek for the past nine years. Of course Stiles had never told Derek anything, because Stiles couldn't deal. Stiles stood frozen, watching them as they talked to other people and kissing, kissing with tongue.   
When Erica squeezed Derek's ass was when Stiles found himself getting lost in the crowd. He had to get away. Had to forget. Derek had never been his, but this hurt. Stiles felt like someone was stepping on his heart repeatedly. If it had been someone else, anyone, Stiles would not be half as upset as he was, but it was Erica. The catwoman to his batman. The girl who had confessed her love to him, the first girl to do that, ever.

It was just different because it was Erica.

“Stiles, right?” Someone beside him said and his head jerked in the direction the voice came from.

A guy with broad shoulders, blond hair, blue eyes and a cute face looked up at him.

“Eumh...yeah... And you are?” Stiles asked.

“Liam, we played lacrosse together, you were one year above me.” He said with a wicked smile on his lips.

“Is that so?” Stiles said, voice low and raspy.

So what if Stiles couldn't have Derek? He could obviously have Liam here who seemed interested enough.

“Yeah... So... wanna go somewhere more private?” Liam asked with a smirk as he leaned in closer.

“Yeah...” Stiles said as he exhaled.

Liam grabbed Stiles hand and pulled him through the sea of people.

They ended up at the men's restroom.

Liam was just about to finish Stiles off with his skilled mouth when Stiles pushed Liam's mouth off of his dick. 

“Do you want me to fuck you? Shove my dick inside you, make you come with my dick in you, only?” Stiles said and Liam whimpered out a yes.

“I didn't quite catch that.” Stiles teased.

“Yes! Fuck me!” Liam said and Stiles smirked.

Stiles grabbed Liam, pulled him up to his feet, made him face the wall and spread his legs. Stiles pushed one finger inside Liam and enjoyed watching him squirm. He fucked Liam with his finger until Liam begged for more, then he added another digit. When Stiles had three fingers inside Liam, he judged that Liam was ready. 

“Do you want my cock inside you?” Stiles whispered against Liam's ear.

Liam shuddered and moaned out a yes. Stiles picked up the condom, ripped the wrapping and put it on his dick. Stiles nudged at the entrance for a while and then he pushed inside with one slow stroke. Liam moaned in pleasure as Stiles began moving. Quick, needy thrusts. He grabbed Liam's hair and pushed the man's body harder against the wall. Stiles hit Liam's prostate and that was all it took for Liam to come. White threads of come splattering against the wall and Liam screaming as he shuddered from the orgasm. Stiles kept thrusting a few more times and then he came as well, hard. He moaned out a name, but it was not Liam's name. It was Derek's.

 

************************** 

 

Stiles thought that that was the end of it but Liam wasn't quite finished it seemed. The y had left the restroom and went to the dance floor where they saw a couple familiar faces.

“I have to catch up with my friends but meet me outside in ten.” Liam said and then he left.

Stiles stared after him until he felt a hand on his back. He turned to find Scott behind him.

“Dude! Where have y... why do you smell like sex?” Scott asked and Stiles smirked at him.

“Well, believe it or not, I just got some.” Stiles said to Scott's grossed out face. 

“But I thought you liked...?” Scott began.

“Don't say his name, I don't want to hear it.” Stiles said with a cold voice. 

“Oh, okay. Anyway, we're going with Erica and... to the loft, you wanna come?” Scott asked and smiled.

“Actually, no. I don't, I really don't wanna meet him but you go ahead!” Stiles said and left Scott standing there with a dumb look on his face.

Stiles picked up his phone to check the time. Five minutes left until he were supposed to meet Liam outside. Stiles decided to go outside early, he needed some air anyway. He heard Lydia call out for him behind him but he kept walking, acting as though he hadn't heard her.

Stiles stood outside for a while and then Liam walked out the door. Liam pulled Stiles with him around a corner and pushed Stiles up against a brick wall beside a container by the parking lot. 

Liam knelt down and unzipped Stiles pants. He pulled down Stiles' underwear and then put Stiles' dick in his mouth. Stiles let out a surprised gasp. 

Stiles dick was hard in no time. Liam was surprisingly good with his tongue which almost sent Stiles over the edge but Liam wouldn't let him come, not yet. Stiles couldn't help but imagining that it was Derek that where sucking his cock. Stiles grabbed at Liam's hair and imagined that it was Derek's soft black hair in his hands. Liam was about to stop sucking and standing up but Stiles pushed him back down.

“No, keep going.” Stiles panted.

Liam did what he was told and kept sucking and licking. Suddenly Stiles heard voices and in the next second the pack walked round the corner. The humans didn't notice anything but the wolves could smell it and Stiles saw how their eyes darted in his direction. Stiles locked eyes with Derek and that was what sent him over the edge. Derek watching him as he received head. It made Stiles feel hot all over. 

If the humans hadn't noticed anything before, they definitely did now, when Stiles let out a loud scream as he came harder than he ever had before. Stiles shut his eyes and kept panting, didn't dare to look up and meet the others eyes again. Stiles looked down at Liam instead. Liam had come dripping out of his mouth and Stiles was stricken with a sudden unpleasant thought. Liam still looked like a young teenage boy, nothing like Derek, and he reminded Stiles of a baby with that young face. Stiles felt nauseous. Liam smiled up at him as he heard the pack's cars leave.

“You should leave now.” Stiles said as he pulled up his pants.

Liam quickly left the parking lot. Left Stiles to his own thoughts. 

How could Stiles have done that? He would never be able to face the pack ever again. He would never be able to face Derek again and the thought of never seeing Derek again did things to Stiles. 

Stiles sat down on the concrete, his head in his hands. Derek and Erica were dating. Stiles would never be able to call Derek his. Before Stiles knew it, the tears started pouring down. He was to late. Scott had told him long ago that he thought Derek might be interested in Stiles but Stiles had just shrugged it off and never once acted out on it. Now it was to late. The ship had already sailed and Stiles wasn't on it, Erica was. The thought broke Stiles into pieces. His sobs grew louder and somewhere in the darkness he heard the howls of wolves. 

“This was such a bad idea...” Stiles cried.

Stiles didn't bother texting Scott, he just drove off in his jeep into the night and in the morning Stiles flew back to New York.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for me to update! I've had a lot of homework and stuff that has taken all of my time and it will probably take a few weeks until I'll be able to update again but I'll work as hard as I can on this!

The sound of clicking filled the apartment, echoing wall to wall. It made the apartment seem more empty than anything. The darkness were adding to that emptiness. There was a big window in the apartment, facing the city. The lights from the city gave some light but the apartment was way to high up for it to actually matter. If someone would look out of the window they would see big glowing neon signs, commercial campaigns and other stupid signs that tried to get you to buy their products even though you didn't need it.  
And if someone actually were standing by the window they would also notice the light behind them that came from the desk, were the one living in the apartment worked.  
It was a computer screen that was glowing in the dark and the shadow of a man were sitting in front of it, the man silently cursing.  
The clicking got more intense as the shadow, also known as Stiles, furiously looked through Erica, Scott and Allison's facebook pages. He would've looked at Derek's page as well if the sourwolf only would have one. 

Stiles cursed again as he looked through Scott's pictures. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No Derek and Erica, no pack pictures with them at all.  
Stiles quickly switched to Erica's facebook but no pictures there either and it said on her profile that “it was complicated”. Stiles let out a frustrated sigh. He didn't want to ask Scott about it either because he didn't want his pity that he knew he would get if he mentioned it. And just as he thought about Scott, his phone started to vibrate and Scott's name showed up on the display. Stiles didn't want to answer it though and he didn't. He just let it ring, letting Scott think he was asleep. 

“Why didn't they tell me? How could they not tell me?” Stiles muttered to himself in self pity.

His phone started to vibrate again but now it was Allison's name on the display instead. Stiles still didn't answer.  
At first Stiles wondered why they so desperately tried to reach him and then he remembered that he had just left without a word and he hadn't been answering their texts for days. He shrugged to himself, they didn't need him, obviously. 

The next morning Stiles woke up with his head on the desk. He slowly sat up and closed the laptop. It was Monday so he had to get to work. He glanced at the clock in the room. Five past six. He started at seven am. Stiles quickly changed into his uniform, brushed his teeth, fixed his hair and then he left the apartment to go to work. Stiles jumped into the old jeep that stood outside and drove off. When he saw the police station he let himself relax for a bit. He parked on the parking lot for employees and quickly got inside the building.  
He met Katelyn, his partner, in the door. 

“Stiles, nice of you to show up this early.” She said and smiled.

“I'm not...” Stiles started but then he looked down at his phone and saw the digits, 06:40.

He was early. 

“So, we have to go, we have a robbery on 100 wall street.” She said and Stiles nodded.

“I'm just gonna check in and get my weapon.” Stiles said and ran inside. 

He quickly checked in and got his weapon, he had no time to lose. When he got outside Katelyn sat in their police car, engine running as she waited for him. He jumped into the car and then they where off. Katelyn was a really good driver so they got to 100 wall street in no time. Though when they came into the Starbucks that had sent the alarm, the robbers were gone. Katelyn got a statement from the workers and Stiles tried to get as much information, from the customers about the robbers, as possible without upsetting them to much. 

“Excuse me sir, can I ask you a couple of questions?” Stiles asked a man in his late twenties.

The man stood with a woman who seemed pretty upset about the whole thing. The man had his hand on her lower back and stroked her, trying to calm her down. 

“Yes, of course.” the man answered.

“Can you remember how the robbers looked like? Anything, a birthmark, a tattoo or anything we could go by?” Stiles asked and the man looked around in the shop as if he were replaying the whole thing in his head.

“Not really, it's kind of fuzzy. The men had masks and glows but... I think one of them had a t-shirt on him and that he had a tattoo on his forearm... I don't remember what though, it could've been an eagle or maybe something else with wings? I don't really remember, I'm sorry that I can't be that much of a help, officer.” The man said and Stiles gave him a smile as he looked up from his notepad.

“No worries, you helped a lot by just remembering that. Thank you.” Stiles said and left the man to comfort the woman.

He got to the next person, another guy, around seventeen or eighteen years old. 

“Excuse me, can I ask you a couple of questions?” Stiles asked and the guy looked up at him from under his bangs. 

“Sure.” The guy answered. 

“Do you remember anything significant from the men that robbed the store?” Stiles asked as he opened the notepad on a new page. 

“Yeah, I think so. There was a woman with them, I think she had blonde hair, it kind of stuck out from under her mask. Eeeh, one of the guys were limping..? That's all I can remember, sorry dude.” The guy said and Stiles nodded as he wrote everything down.

“Thank you, you have been very helpful.” Stiles said and then left. 

Katelyn waved at him so he walked over to her. 

“Apparently this has happened before.” She said with a low voice.

“What?”

“They have been robbed before and there have been more robbery’s like this one down the street.” Katelyn informed and Stiles sighed. 

“I guess this is all we can do then, we'll have to go back to the station and write a report.” Stiles said, Katelyn agreed and they both walked out of the building. 

 

**************** 

Stiles sat by the desk, writing a report on the robbery when Katelyn put down a coffee mug in front of him and sat down on the chair beside him. 

“You seem off today. Something happened?” She asked and Stiles shrugged. 

He didn't really want to talk to Katelyn about his problems with his freaking crush. The one crush that apparently dated his catwoman. 

“I'm just having a bad day I guess...” Stiles answered and sipped on the coffee. 

“I've seen you on a bad day, Stiles. You look like you just lost all that you have and more.” She said with a worried expression. 

Her brown eyes, tanned skin and dark hair reminded Stiles so much of Scott and he couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle sitting right in front of a woman who reminded him so much of his best friend without telling her anything. Her worried eyes got even more worried as Stiles face crumpled into a frown. He looked at her with sad eyes and sighed.

“Okay... Something happened, alright?” He confessed. 

Katelyn grabbed his hand and squeezed.

“You can tell me anything, you know that.” She said and Stiles smiled sadly at her. 

“There's this guy...” Stiles began.

“Aha, love problems... Always gets me down as well.” She said and then gave him a apologetic smile for interrupting him. 

“Well, this is a lot more complicated than just love problems...” Stiles said with a sigh. “Anyway, said guy... I'm in love with him, have been for years now. He lives back home and he's friends with my old friends... It's really complicated but... There is also this girl, she's my catwoman and I'm her batman if that makes any sense to you. We have never been romantically involved with each other and we'll never be, she's like a sister to me. So when I returned home for the weekend, for the reunion, I meet her and this guy. They're together, kissing and laughing with other people that I don't even remember them talking to before.” Stiles breathing gets kind of unsteady and Katelyn grabs his hand even tighter than before.

Stiles felt the lump in his throat, the lump you get when you know there's something you should do but you don't know what it is.

“Come on, we'll take a break.” Katelyn said and pulled Stiles with her to the break room.

There was no one there so they sneaked in and sat down by the round table. 

“So, they guy you love and the girl you adore were kissing? Does she know that you like him?” Katelyn asked and Stiles shook his head furiously. 

“She... she doesn't know. But I feel so betrayed... It's like watching my sister with him. I am so close to her, I don't wanna lose her but if I have to see them together every time I visit... I don't think I can handle it.” Stiles breathed out.

Katelyn nodded and caressed his cheek slowly.

“We'll have to get back to work, but I'll come with you home after work and we'll talk more then. I know it's hard to see someone you love with someone else, it's even worse when you see them with someone you care about as well but you'll get through it.” Katelyn said and stood up.

Stiles sat in the chair staring at the wall for a while.

“Come out when you feel ready, don't want you to be an emotional wreck when you're working.” She said and walked out of the room, leaving Stiles alone in the tiny room. 

Stiles felt kind of empty, but he knew he couldn't dwell on this. Erica and Derek where dating and it was time for him to face that. Derek were happy with Erica and Stiles should be happy for his sake. But even though Stiles told himself that over and over again he couldn't remove the dark hole in himself that only grew bigger as he thought about Derek's lips against Erica's. Stiles felt like he was broken, like this was something he couldn't fix, like he was stuck with it.  
Stiles sighed and stood up. He walked out of the break room and sat down by his computer again to finish the report.

******************

Katelyn had just left the apartment. They had ordered pizza and talked about Derek while they ate. Katelyn had given him some advice to fix his broken heart but he doubted that it would work at all, he was in to deep.  
Stiles didn't clean up the mess they had made, he just threw himself on the bed so that he could get some sleep.  
He feel asleep sooner than he thought he would and when he fell into dreamland he had a dream about Liam. 

Liam sucked his dick, it was good, Liam were good. His tongue swirled around the head and pre-come leaked out into his mouth. Liam took Stiles' cock deep down into his throat and then he moaned. The vibrations caused Stiles to moan and the vibrations just kept going until Stiles realized something was wrong. And just as he realized that, he woke up.  
The vibrations came from his phone. He picked the phone up and saw Scott's name on the display.  
He decided not to pick up, he didn't want to talk to anyone in the pack yet. He put the phone down n the night stand again and as soon as he had put his head on the pillow again the phone started vibrating again. He ignored it.

His phone stopped vibrating for a second and then it started again. He growled, turned over and picked the phone up again. Erica.  
This call was a call that Stiles really wanted to answer but he couldn't. He wanted to know everything, wanted to know how Erica and Derek could be together after Derek being so distant to her and most importantly, after Erica's relationship with Boyd. It stopped vibrating and now the only sound in the apartment was the breaths that came from Stiles. Stiles sighed and happily put his head on the pillow again.

But Stiles had been foolish if he thought that Erica would give up so fast. A minute later she was calling again, and after that again, and again and again. She called until Stiles got so frustrated that he answered. 

“Yes?!” Stiles exclaimed in the phone.

He heard Erica's faint breathing but she didn't say anything.

“Erica...” He said and then he heard her small sobs. 

“Erica what's wrong?” He asked, seriously concerned. 

She took a few deep breaths and then she spoke.

“Stiles... I need my batman now...” She whispered.

Somehow that made Stiles terrified but yet proud. She remembered the batman thing but something was wrong, she wouldn't be calling him, crying and calling him batman if there wasn't. 

“Stiles, this is a mess... I... I'm.. I'm pregnant.” She said and drew another deep breath.

Stiles whole world tumbled apart. His vision blurred as the tears welled up in his eyes. This couldn't be happening, not now. Not right after he had found out about Erica and Derek. How could she be pregnant? How long had they really been together? One thing Stiles were really sure about, you didn't decide to get kids after a few months in your relationship so it had to go further back than that.  
Erica was talking in the phone now but Stiles couldn't hear her. This was a mess alright.

“I'm sorry, I have to go.” Stiles said and hung up. 

He shut is phone off so that no one would call him and then he made a decision. The biggest decision he had ever made since he left Beacon Hills.  
He stood up, shut off his laptop, grabbed it and walked over to the bedroom. He threw down all the clothes he needed into a bag then he put the laptop in the bag as well. He grabbed his jacket, the bag and then he left the apartment, maybe for the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! As usual, tell me if there is something wrong, grammar or anything else, so that I can change it.


	3. Fuck Witches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had the greatest writers block but tonight I got this out of me, sorry if it's short but it was all I had time for but I really wanted to give you a new chapter! Hopefully it won't take as long to get the next chapter out there but I will not make any promises.  
> And as always, tell me if you see any spelling mistakes or anything and I'll correct it!  
> Enjoy! :)

They hadn't heard from Stiles in a year. He had just disappeared from New York and he had never once called or texted. Scott had been devastated. But even though the pack had been upset about his disappearance they had been forced to move on, they just had to face that this wasn't the first time Stiles had left them. So after a couple of months the days floated by just as usual. A new threat to Beacon Hills- they took care of it, problems between the pack mates- they took care of it, Stiles dad had been shot- they took care of it because Stiles weren't there to do so.

Derek had been forced to do what was necessary to get his pack through everything. They had no one to do their research so he had found a witch (Leah) from California to do that for them. She had taken Stiles place in the pack though no one could quite do that. Derek was sure of that when Stiles returned home the “job” would still be his, though he was unsure if Stiles would even want it in the first place.

Under normal circumstances it would be no question if Stiles would like to join the pack again but the situation they were in, were far from normal circumstances.

They had been at the reunion, everything had been fine but then Stiles had to go off and hook up with Liam. The pack had seen them together, Liam sucking Stiles off and if that had been awkward, it still wasn't anything compared to Stiles' moans.

After that no one really knew what had happened, Stiles had just packed his bag and left again. They had tried to call him but he never answered, at least until Erica called him. Erica had explained for the pack that she had called him at a low point, when she didn't know who to turn to, but he had been busy and hung up on her. Derek had been furious. Stiles was their friend, he was Erica's friend and he had just left her to deal with her own problems.

Erica had told Derek that it all had been pretty weird, that Stiles hadn't acted like himself, that he shouldn't be mad at Stiles, but that was impossible for Derek in that position.

 

“Hey Derek!” Scott disturbed Derek's thoughts as he rushed into the loft.

 

Scott looked at Derek with a wild stare, sweat covered his skin, like he had been running for a while.

 

Derek looked Scott up and down and waited for him to say something more than “Hey Derek!”.

 

“We need your help.” Scott said, clearly out of breath.

 

“What happened?” Derek asked and stood up.

 

“The pixies, we underestimated them. They have a witch.”

 

“Is everyone alright? Have you talked to Deaton yet?” Derek asked.

 

“Everyone is alright and they're meeting us at the office.” Scott answered and turned around to leave.

 

Derek followed Scott out to his car but took his own to drive to Deaton's office.

When he entered the veterinarian's office his pack was already there except from Erica who was at home, taking care of her cub. She had given birth in their house a few months earlier and Stiles had as always not shown up, even though Derek had texted him about it all. He had not received any message back so Derek assumed that Stiles hadn't read any of it.

So Erica had delivered a beautiful girl, Haley, that reminded Derek of Laura. The tiny baby hadn't been anything but happy until she met Derek, then her face turned into a terribly cute frown and Derek had laughed at the resemblance of Laura when she was little and had to take care of him.

 

“Derek.” Isaac's voice said and Derek snapped out of his trance.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“They're attacking in an hour, they gave us a fair warning... Leah doesn't know how to stop them.” Isaac said and the last sentence made Derek's gaze snap to Leah.

 

He growled low in his throat and took a threatening step towards her. She held up her hands but didn't back away and kept staring into his eyes. She wasn't afraid of him but she knew that she would lose if he decided to attack her. She was smart.

 

“I thought you said you had dealt with something like this before?” He growled.

 

It was no secret, he didn't trust her. He hadn't trusted her when she first arrived and he wouldn't trust her now. Sure it was him that paid her for being there and it was him that had found her in the first place but that was the thing. She was someone you could buy.

 

“I thought I did! But... that witch... she's so much stronger than me. I know her and if you wanna live through this I would suggest that you pack your bags and leave as soon as possible.” Leah said and for a moment she looked vulnerable but then collected herself.

 

“You... Suggest that we give up? Just like that?” Allison said loud and clear with a angry voice.

 

Derek had never heard Allison sound that angry and really, he was proud of her. She had made progress in the pack, she hadn't been able to trust them all at first but after time she began to call them her family and now she was fighting for her territory, their territory.

 

“I can't help you, so yeah, give up, throw the white flag or whatever you choose to call it.” Leah answered and met Allison's gaze.

 

Derek was surprised that Leah didn't catch fire because of the heat in Allison's eyes.

 

“I'm leaving. No money you can offer will keep me here, they are gonna destroy everything and I will not be here to perish with you.” She said, nodded at Derek and then left.

 

“I guess we're alone in this then?” Isaac said and Allison sighed.

 

“We are better of without her anyway, as soon as Lydia gets back from New York she can do our research, in the meantime we will do our best. Fuck witches.”

 

*

“ _I love you”_

 

“ _I know”_

 

“ _How?”_

 

“ _You told me.”_

 

“ _No I didn't...”_

 

“ _You did, by not saying anything at all.”_

 

*

The pixies were only a few miles away and the pack was ready for them. Erica had left Haley at the sheriff's house and then joined them, they needed all the strength they could get.

 

“Aren't pixies supposed to be nice, sexy, female creatures?” Isaac asked.

 

“You... Have been reading to many weird articles on the internet. Pixies are vicious creatures that also has no gender, not that we can put words on anyway.” Scott said and Isaac frowned.

 

“Be quiet, I hear something...” Derek said just as the pixies appeared on the hill in front of them.

 

The wolves lowered themselves down into a fighting stance and next thing they knew the pixies where on them, biting, scratching and stabbing them. The first to fall was Boyd and then Derek knew they were completely fucked. Allison fired away an arrow that got three pixies down in one go but that was all that she could manage before the pixies jumped onto her back and pressed her down onto the ground. Derek howled in pain as something sharp sunk into his calf. He fell down onto his knees and watched as the others fell one by one.

But then a bright light started to glow in the middle of the fight. The light was so bright that they all had to cover their eyes. For a long while they had to keep their eyes shut just so that they wouldn't get blinded by it. They heard the sound of something or someone panting and grunting as little pixie bodies fell down all around them. When the light cleared and they could finally open their eyes again they were met with the sight of a person standing before them, holding an aluminum bat.

 

“Stiles?”

 

*

He heard the howl when he was a few miles away. The jeep screeched as he drove faster. When he reached the hill he stopped the car, grabbed his bat and jumped out. He ran as fast as he could and when he finally reached them he thought that they all were dead. They were laying on the ground, blood oozing from their bodies. Stiles grabbed his homemade light bomb made for one purpose and one only, blind the “unnatural”, as they would call the supernatural creatures in Europe.

He threw the bomb and watched as every supernatural being except from himself cringed and covered their eyes. Stiles hit the first pixie in its' head with his bat, sending it to the ground and then hit the head once more enjoying the sound of its' skull being cracked open. He grabbed a knife from his boot and started stabbing the pixies. When he was done he was covered with pixie blood and sweat.

He panted and looked around at the pack before him. The light had finally faded and they all looked up at him. Painfully enough it was Derek who spoke up first.

 

“Stiles?”

Stiles looked at him, he looked the same as he remembered. Black hair, sharp jaw line, stubble to kill for and he still had incredible muscles that Stiles had quite a few masturbation fantasies about.

 

“The one and only.” Stiles said and let himself sink down onto one of his knees, leaning against the other one.

 

“Where the fuck have you been?!” Erica shouted in a blind rage.

 

Stiles only sighed and looked up at her. His catwoman. He had missed her.

 

“Europe my sweet catwoman, god I've missed you.” He said and looked at the others as if to include them in his statement.

 

He didn't look at Derek.

 

“So now you just decide to come waltzing back?! Why now?! It's been a year, Stiles!” Erica kept shouting.

 

“There was some... complications...” Stiles whispered and looked right into her eyes.

 

“Sure! It's always complicated when it comes to you! What is it this time? Did they get tired of your shit too?!”

 

Stiles chuckled, that would've been easier to deal with.

 

“Not really no, though I wish that that would’ve been the reason as to why I'm back. No, they didn't get tired of my shit, I'm dying.”

 


	4. Haben sie keine angst, kleiner

one year earlier

*********

Stiles walked out of the airport and found himself in Germany. He never meant to get so far, sure he thought that leaving New York would be good for him, but he never thought he would leave the country. But there he was, in Germany with no fucking clue what he should do next.

He looked around and saw, to his joy, a hotel. He quickly crossed the street and walked over to the hotel. A big sign that said “Berlin Mark Hotel” was screwed to the wall of the hotel. He walked inside and got himself a room. It wouldn't be too expensive to stay there but with his calculations he could only stay two weeks tops before his money would run out, including the money he would have to spend on food.

His room had a really good view since the big windows faced the prettiest part of the city. The first thing Stiles did was crawl up in one of the windows and just look out on the city. It was nothing like New York, it was smaller and not as messy but he liked it.

 

Stiles got a routine after three days. He would wake up, eat breakfast, go out too go to the library too research, go out for dinner and then return to his room too research some more with the help of his computer. The sixth day of his routine a girl approached him in the library.

 

“Ich sehe Sie haben Interesse an alten Hexengeschichten...”  
  


Stiles just looked up at her and stared. She was beautiful, like, Lydia beautiful. Her blonde hair looked like it was glowing and it made her look like some kind of fairy tale goddess.

  
“Sprechen sie Deutsch?” She asked and Stiles had enough skills in the German language to know what she meant.  
  


“No, sorry.” He said and the girl smiled when she finally got something out of him.  
  


“Well then, I'll just have to speak English. I'm Lisa” She said and promptly took his hand and shook it.  
  


“Stiles.” He said and gave her a small smile.  
  


“Are you superstitious?” She asked and he frowned.  
  


“What?”  
  


“You're reading about werewolves and the druids that once occupied this country that we Christians, you know, burned at the stake...”  
  


“Well, not really reading, it's in German, I take notes and then I take it back to my room and try to translate it which is, by the way, going terribly bad.”  
  


“I can help you if you want? My ancestors where druids so I would also want to learn about them.” She asked and at first Stiles hesitated but he realized that he would need help if he were going to be able to read the books.  
  


“Sure.” He said and she sat down.  
  


“You're from America, right?” She asked.  
  


“Yep.”  
  


“So what business do you have here in Germany? Sorry for being nosy, you don't have to answer!”  
  


“It's fine. I actually went here to study the history of the druids.” Not completely a lie.  
  


“Oh okay...”  
  


There was an awkward silence for a while but then she reached forward to pull the book closer to her. She pointed at the first sentence.  
  


“So here it says that the druids that occupied Germany in 1880 were...”

 

 

*****

 

They had been sitting in the library for at least five hours and Stiles had began to like the girl. She was funny and had kept trying to make him laugh which she had also succeeded with a few times.

He sighed when they turned the page of the book they were currently reading. There was a lot of words and he couldn't concentrate on either one, he was beat.  
  


“Maybe this is enough for today?” She asked and Stiles nodded in agreement.  
  


They stood up and Stiles set the book back on it's right place, when he returned Lisa was waiting for him.  
  


“So, were to you live?” She asked as he picked his bag up from the chair.  
  


“In a hotel, Berlin Mark Hotel, if you know it.” He answered and she looked surprised.  
  


“So... What are you gonna eat?”  
  


“Figured I'd just order something and keep researching as I've been doing the last few days.”  
  


“Then it's decided. You're joining me for family dinner.” She said and walked out of the library.  
  


Stiles couldn't do anything else but run after her like a little puppy. They took the buss to her parents house and Stiles was a little confused as to how he would pay for the ride since he hadn't quite gotten used to Euro, Lisa helped him though.

That was how Stiles found himself sitting by a table with all of Lisa's cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents and parents. It all was a mess but it was exactly what Stiles had missed. The pack had always gathered for dinner when they wanted to celebrate something but Stiles hadn't been there for even one of those dinners in eight years.

Lisa's family was loud and it was comforting, Stiles had missed being around loud people but he hadn't known just how bad he had missed it.

Lisa's twin cousins shoved food into each others faces and their little sister just stared in wonder at Stiles. Lisa's parents, grandparent and two of her uncles were discussing politics. Everyone talked and everything was in motion, until an old lady stepped into the room.

Everything got quiet and Stiles felt a shill up his spine. The lady looked at Stiles and gasped.  
  


“Warum ist dieser Druide im Haus?!?!” The lady said and pointed at him.  
  


Everyone's gaze fell upon him and he squirmed in his seat.  
  


“You're a druid too?” Lisa asked with wide eyes.  
  


“What do you mean with “too”?” Stiles said and mirrored Lisa's expression.  
  


“Well, my grandma is one of the druids and it has passed down to me, but I'm only in training.” Lisa said.  
  


“Same here, I'm not in training though, I didn't even know that was a thing.”  
  


“You don't have a relative helping you?” Lisa asked, stunned by this fact.  
  


“No, I think I got this from my mother's side of the family but I don't have contact with any of them and my mother is dead.” Stiles explained.  
  


Lisa looked over at her grandmother with pleading eyes.  
  


“Indiskutabel.” Her grandmother answered at once.  
  


“Bitte!” Lisa said with a pleading voice.  
  


“ Jetzt hörst du mir mal zu, dieser junge Mann wird nicht nach England gehen!” Her grandmother continued.  
  


Lisa looked really pissed and Stiles was so confused since he didn't understand shit.  
  


“Er könnte mitkommen” Lisa shouted and waved her hands around.  
  


“Es würde uns eine Ehre sein wenn er mitkommen würde, aber ich bin für keinen anderen verantwortlich!.” The old lady said and pointed at Stiles once again.  
  


He looked at Lisa who looked defeated and then at her grandmother who walked out of the room.  
  


“She doesn't trust you.” Lisa muttered.  
  


“Understandable, I wouldn't trust an outsider that easily either.” Stiles said and Lisa looked chocked at the response.

 

*****

 

So Stiles stayed there, longer than he had planned. He got to move in with Lisa so that he didn't have to pay for the hotel anymore and he went over to Lisa's parents house as often as he could to see her grandmother, Hannah. He gained Hannah's trust along the way and she helped him with all the magic. But after half a year he stopped making progress, his magic was far from perfect but it was better than it ever had been.

So at one of the many training sessions that Lisa and Stiles had together, Hannah stopped them in the middle of one of their spells.  
  


“You both need to go to England.” She said and both Stiles and Lisa looked up with surprised expressions.  
  


“I have taught you everything I can but it isn't enough, we have relatives in Hampshire and they are willing to take you in and teach you everything else that you need to know.” Hannah said and Lisa grinned.  
  


“I have always wanted to go! Finally! Danke sehr!” Lisa exclaimed.  
  


“Thank you very much Hannah, this means a lot.”  
  


“I know. You carry around a lot of sadness, maybe this will make it easier for you, kleiner.”

 

*****

 

So Stiles and Lisa went to Hampshire to meet Lisa's relatives. They took a taxi from the airport and both of them fell asleep on the way.

When they arrived they were welcomed by a middle aged woman called Susan and her husband George. They helped Stiles and Lisa to get settled in and then they left the two of them alone so that they could rest. Lisa came to Stiles' room and they both laid down on his bed.  
  


“This is weird.” Lisa said and Stiles laughed.  
  


“Really weird.” He giggled.  
  


“What's up?” Lisa asked and Stiles sat up to look at her.  
  


“What?” He asked.  
  


“You're acting weird.” Lisa stated.  
  


“I'm just tired, makes me energetic.”  
  


“I noticed.” Lisa said and the both of them laughed.  
  


Then they heard a voice from the stairs.  
  


“It's dinner time, fish n' chips!” It was Susan calling out for them.  
  


“God, I've always wanted to try fish n' chips!” Both of them said at the same time which made them laugh again.  
  


Stiles pulled Lisa up from the bed and they both walked down to the kitchen. When they walked into the kitchen there was five people sitting by the table, Susan, George and three older men, two of them were sporting massive beards, it made them look older but also more intimidating.

Stiles and Lisa sat down beside each other as the others watched every move they made.  
  


“Stiles, Lisa, this is Klaus, Manfred and Thomas and they are going to be your teachers.”  
  


Klaus had big blue eyes and had the biggest beard of the three of them, Manfred weren't just sporting the beard but he also had a big magnificent mustache and Thomas was clean shaven which Stiles would've assumed would make him seem less intimidating but something in Thomas eyes made Stiles think twice about that.  
  


“Nice to meet you.” Lisa said and the older men only nodded as response.  
  


“Well, we should leave and let you eat.” Said Thomas and the three men stood up and left the room.  
  


Stiles and Lisa shared a look and then they let themselves focus on the food instead.

 

*

 

The training sessions was more intense than they ever had been. Hannah had never driven them that hard so they weren't used to it at all. After only three weeks both of them were exhausted. But Klaus, Manfred and Thomas kept the pace even if Stiles and Lisa were complaining.

The three of them all had different specialties so Stiles and Lisa never had them all at the same time. Klaus taught them about the nature of magic, Manfred taught them about the history of magic and Thomas was the one who actually taught them real magic, spells and all that. Stiles enjoyed Thomas lessons the most even though he found the man the scariest of them all. 

After four months of training their teachers told them that they had their big test coming up. Stiles and Lisa hadn't been aware that there would be a test but all of their teachers told them that they had been warned for such a test.

So Stiles and Lisa studied for two months, they studied until their fingers bled and still it wasn't enough. Stiles stayed up for five days studying in the last week before the test. But even how hard he tried he couldn't get a grip at everything they had learned when they talked about the nature of magic. It was essential that they had knowledge from all of their three lessons because they had to combine them all to finish the test.

So when the day finally arrived and they were going to do the test, that they hadn't been prepared for at all, they were scared to death. The only instructions they got was that they were supposed to study everything they had ever learned. The test they made was based on their fears, Lisa was terrified for failure, since she had such a weight on her shoulders to pass the knowledge she had about druids and magic on to the next generation, therefore her test was based on that fear. Failure. 

Stiles was afraid of something else entirely, he was afraid of being alone. So in his test he went lucid and had to endure countless of dreams where he was left for dead or abandoned by his friends. The worst dream was when Derek was in it, he had told Stiles that he hated him and that he never wanted to see him again after what had happened between them. Stiles didn't get the context of that dream, he had no idea what they had done to each other but he knew that it freaked him out. In that dream, that was when Stiles made a mistake, a big mistake. He fired of a spell without even thinking about it but instead of hitting Derek it hit himself.

The spell was one of the spells they had taught him that was meant for werewolves and werewolves only. The spell was powerful and could not easily be broken.

So that was how he woke up, his body hurting and five people around him looking down at his sprawled out body on the floor. Thomas helped him to sit up and then he put his hand on Stiles forehead. Thomas closed his eyes and started mumbling words in Latin. Stiles didn't recognize the spell, if it was a spell at all.

The pain started to fade and Stiles realized that Thomas was the one helping him to get rid of it.

When Thomas finally was done Stiles felt numb and almost fell over again if it had not been for Lisa being there to hold him up.

Thomas knelt down in front of Stiles and looked deep into his eyes and that was when Stiles knew something was wrong. The look in Thomas eyes gave it away, his eyes looked deep into Stiles eyes and there was something sad shimmering in them that Stiles had never seen in Thomas eyes.

Thomas put a hand on Stiles' shoulder and took a deep breath.  
  


“I'm sorry, you failed Stiles.” He said with a dark voice, bowing his head trying to cover his watering eyes.  
  


Stiles just stared at him, and then he looked at his other teachers, they both wore the same expression, sadness, grief and disappointment.  
  


“I am sorry, Kleiner, I am the one who put the mythical creature in your lucid sleep, but I didn't know... I didn't know of your feelings... I should have recognized them sooner, I am sorry, this is my fault.” Thomas wept.  
  


“What happened?” Stiles asked and Thomas looked up at him with red eyes.  
  


“The spell you used, it's for werewolves and werewolves only. It's a very strong spell because of their healing abilities. You used it to protect yourself but your feelings for the creature made you hesitate, it bounced back and... the spell hit you instead.” Thomas said and gripped Stiles' shoulder even tighter.  
  


“And what does that mean for me?” Stiles asked with a steady voice.  
  


“The spell is not working yet, we blocked it with another spell but sooner or later our spell is going to fail and you will die.” Klaus said.  
  


Stiles didn't even look up, he just stared into the distance feeling as though someone had taken something very precious from him.  
  


“You should go.” Lisa said and Stiles snapped out of it.  
  


“What?”  
  


“You should go. Home. You need to forgive and forget because this is your last chance and I would rather die than to see you waste it.” She said and Stiles knew that she was right.  
  


He had to go home again, he needed the pack, he needed to make amends before it was to late. He hugged Lisa and told her he loved her, like she was his own sister.

Two hours later he sat on a plane, on his was back to the US. He was dead tired and he just wanted to sleep but for one quick moment he let himself think about Derek. About Derek and how it could have been if he had not waited for Derek to make a move after that night he so desperately tried to forget. That night that meant everything to him but left a wound so deep he didn't think he would ever recover from it.

The night that the pack went out without Stiles and all of them had had way too much to drink. Stiles had found Derek outside of his house, just standing in the back yard, staring up at Stiles' window. The night when Stiles had been terrified that he would be just like Kate or Jennifer, that he would use Derek in a way that Derek would never forgive.

The night Derek told Stiles that he loved him and Stiles just couldn't be like Kate or Jennifer and had to say no.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The German spoken is not really important so no need to worry if you don't understand it. Though "Kleiner" which is used by Hannah and Thomas when they speak to Stiles means "Little one".
> 
> So if you guys really want to know what they are saying in German I have the translated text here (Which I got some help with):
> 
> (Stiles meets Lisa)  
> “Ich sehe Sie haben Interesse an alten Hexengeschichten” - I see you're interested in old writings about witches...  
> “Sprechen sie Deutsch?” - Do you speak German?
> 
> (Stiles eats dinner with Lisa's family)  
> “Warum ist dieser Druide im Haus?!?!” - Why is this druid in this house?!  
> “Indiskutabel.” - out of the question.  
> “Bitte!” - please  
> “ Jetzt hörst du mir mal zu, dieser junge Mann wird nicht nach England gehen!!” - Now you listen to me, this young man is not going to England.  
> “Er könnte mitkommen!” - He could come with!  
> “Es würde uns eine Ehre sein wenn er mitkommen würde, aber ich bin für keinen anderen verantwortlich!” - It would be an honor to ask him to come with but I won't be responsible for any one else!
> 
> (Hannah tells them to go to England)  
> "Danke sehr!” - Thank you so much!
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, looking forward to the next one :)


	5. The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song listened to during the writing of this chapter : Someone told me - Jake Bugg
> 
> So sorry for not updating in ages, I've been working all summer and haven't had any time to write at all but here you go! It's not edited at all I just wrote it this evening/night because I wanted to update the story, so if there is anything wrong tell me about it and I'll fix it, yeah?

“I'm dying.”

 

If it hadn't already been completely silent there would have been a silence filling the space between them, but as it was, that silence was already there. Everyone was staring at Stiles, staring at each other, trying to figure out what to say, what to do.

They didn't have to wait long until they knew exactly what to do though.

Stiles opened his mouth as to say something but instead of words he started coughing. It sounded wet and horrible. Stiles covered his mouth with his hand but everyone saw and could smell the blood covering his hand. When the silence settled down again Stiles wiped his hand on his pants and met Derek's eyes.

“As I said, I'm dying...”

“Stiles...” Scott said and stood up, looking at Stiles with his big brown puppy eyes.

“I'm sorry Scott, for leaving and for not telling you when I felt... just sorry alright..?”

Scott just shot forward and embraced him tightly.

Stiles had changed, Derek noted. The boy... the man, Derek quickly realized, had changed into something more, something more than Stiles. There was some kind of energy swarming around his body, making it harder for Derek to ignore him, his eyes just automatically found Stiles' to see the very fierce fire inside of them. This wasn't the same man who had sucked some guy off at a high school reunion, this was a man who had learned from his mistakes, a man who had let his mistakes make him wiser.

“Why..? Or how..? You dying I mean...” Erica said quietly.

Stiles looked at her and this time Derek couldn't see anything but pain in Stiles' eyes.

“Because I was stupid. I ran from all of you because I needed to get away from everything, from Beacon Hills and from you. I went to Germany and I met people, people like me. I learned about magic and then me and a friend of mine went to England and I learned some more. Not enough though because sooner rather than later time outran me and I had to go through a test to see if I was worthy the magic I was given. I failed, my magic wasn't enough, because when I tried to get through the test I fired at the wrong target and hit myself in the process. I'm dying because of my own mistakes and I had to get here, I had to see you guys again before it was to late, I had to get here to make everything right if I could, I came back to meet your daughter Erica. There is not a day that goes by that I don't regret hanging up on you and leaving you to it. You needed me and I wasn't there at all so I understand if you don't want to see me, if you want to leave me to die alone, because that's what I deserve, I deserve you being disappointed and I deserve your rejection. But if you would just let me...” Stiles was interrupted by yet another pair of arms around him, this time the arms belonged to Erica.

“I've missed you so god damned much you fucking idiot! I don't... You can't... You can't die on me you... you twat! We will do something, we'll go to Deaton and he'll fix you!” Erica sounded like she was about to cry and Stiles felt so bad because he knew that he couldn't really comfort her.

Stiles knew that Deaton couldn't do shit about his condition, Deaton wasn't good enough at magic or anything like what Stiles was dealing with. So instead of reassuring Erica that he would make it, that Deaton would fix him, he decided to not say anything at all.

 

 

*

 

 

_Eight years ago_

_The light from Stiles' computer was the only light in the dark bedroom, on the computer you could clearly see that he had been researching something as usual. Stiles sat on his bed with his phone in his hand. He had gotten a few messages from Scott, Erica and surprisingly enough, Derek. Stiles had come up with the brilliant idea to have a pack bonding night which would include a lot of shots but unfortunately he had been unable to go himself so the others decided to party without him. They seemed to have fun going by the texts from them. Lydia and Stiles had been researching on how to get werewolves drunk and had discovered that the only thing they had to do in order to get drunk was to blend down some wolfsbane into the alcohol._

_Stiles had received four pictures, all from Erica, of Scott getting a piggyback ride by Boyd, Allison and Lydia making out, Isaac lying in a bush and Derek seemingly tripping over Isaac in said bush._

_Stiles sighed and leaned back against the wall. He could hear his dad downstairs watching TV, his dad being one of many reasons as to why he didn't go to the loft for a pack bonding night._

_Stiles closed his eyes, debating on whether it was a good idea to sneak out or not. As it turned out, he didn't need to debate with himself for long because only a few minutes later someone knocked on his window. His eyes darted to the window where he clearly could see a shadow of a person. He stood up in alarm, fearing it would be some evil supernatural being._

“ _It's me!” A dark voice whispered._

_Stiles squinted his eyes and finally saw Derek's face through the glass._

“ _What are you even doing here? I thought you guys where bonding or something?” Stiles said as he opened the window so that Derek could climb (fall) inside._

“ _It didn't feel like a pack bonding night without the guy who came up with the idea...” Derek pouted._

“ _Who are you and what have you done with Derek Hale?” Stiles joked and laughed._

_Derek didn't answer, instead he sort of swayed from side to side._

“ _Oh my god! You're drunk! You reek of alcohol!” Stiles exclaimed excitedly._

_Derek groaned, pushed past Stiles and threw himself on the bed. Stiles stood frozen, watching Derek's ass wiggle as he tried to find a comfortable position._

“ _Come here...” Derek murmured and Stiles easily complied._

_He sat down, awkwardly, at the end of the bed as if it wasn't his own. He didn't know what to do with his hands so he just put them on his own knees and kept them there. Derek rolled over in the bed and looked over at Stiles with one eyebrow raised._

“ _What..?”_

“ _Are you just going to sit there?” Derek asked and Stiles shrugged._

_Derek grabbed Stiles' shoulder, pulled him down onto the bed and pressed him against his firm chest._

“ _What is happening right now?” Stiles asked before he could even think about it._

“ _We're going to sleep.” Derek said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world._

“ _Oh... you're going to sleep here, in my bed, where I spend most of my time sleeping, where special alone time usually happens, where my father could walk in any time, that's... great. How could it not be great? A crazy ass alpha in my bed, with crazy I mean a very snugly alpha who has no problem getting all close and personal with all of... this. Great, perfect even, this could be the greatest idea you've ever had, even better than that time when you...”_

“ _Stiles..” Derek groaned into Stiles' shoulder which made him shut up instantly._

“ _Okay, going to sleep now...” Stiles whispered and Derek put an arm around him._

“ _Yeah, sleep... love you.” Derek breathed out._

_Stiles froze immediately. What..? Derek... loved him? Stiles threw himself out of bed, surprising Derek. Stiles just stood on the floor staring at Derek disbelievingly. Derek sat up and looked at Stiles with dark eyes that Stiles strongly believed was filled with..lust?_

“ _Wha..what did you just say?” Stiles stammered._

_Derek stood up and got very close before he answered with a hushed voice._

“ _I told you that I love you.”_

_And with that said Derek pressed himself close and kissed Stiles. Stiles barely felt the bookcase as he was pressed up against it, all he could feel was Derek's lips on his and Derek's hands that explored his lean body. Derek moaned and the vibrations echoed through Stiles whole being._

_But that was when Stiles realized what was happening and why it was happening. Derek was drunk, he was so drunk that he barely could stand and Stiles doubted that Derek really knew what he was doing. Derek could be fully aware of what was happening but he was so drunk that Stiles really didn't want to try his luck. Derek could wake up remembering everything and not regret a thing but he could also wake up regretting everything. Stiles didn't want to press his luck, he was lucky enough that he hadn't died yet, with all the supernatural creatures that were drawn to Beacon Hills he was constantly put in danger._

_Stiles pressed his hands to Derek's chest and pushed the taller man away. He didn't want to use Derek. If Derek woke up regretting what they had done Stiles had no doubt in his mind that that would make him just as bad as Kate or Jennifer. Nothing would be the same ever again. So when Stiles met Derek's hurt eyes he made himself believe that Derek would understand, that if he really meant it he would try to tell Stiles again. That was why Stiles looked into Derek's dark eyes and shook his head as he said:_

“ _I can't, we can't...”_

 

_It was the best thing he could have done, and if he cried himself to sleep when Derek left his house looking like he had watched his whole life fall apart, no one would know..._

 

*

 

Derek slammed the door behind him, he didn't want this, he hadn't wished for this. The only thing he had wanted was to get Stiles back. He had wanted to see Stiles' goofy smile, wanted to hear his laugh, he wanted everything to be like it had been. They had been fine before and then he had to ruin it. He had always known it, feelings got in the way, they always had done. First with Paige, then Kate, Jennifer and finally Stiles. He ruined everything, everything he touched was destroyed in the matter of minutes. Braeden had been right, he was a monster, he had only been with her because he didn't have any feelings for her and she had been right to leave him. He had no right to have good things even how hard he tried to earn them. It was useless, he was useless. He felt so alone and so broken, he felt like no one ever could fix him, he was a hopeless case.

He started breathing heavily and for the first time in years he felt the familiar ache pressing against his ribs. The familiar sting when his breath got caught in his throat. He tried to gasp for air but he just couldn't breathe.

Last time this happened he had had Laura but this time he was alone. He wanted Laura to be there, he wanted his sister, he wanted his family but he was to fucked up to have anything like that again. He missed them so much that sometimes he felt like he should join them, but then he remembered how he had failed them and realized that even if he died to join them they wouldn't want him there, he let them down like he let everyone in his life down. Paige, Talia, James, Devan, Laura, Stiles, Erica and Haley.

His parents, Talia and James, had always tried their best with him even though he always had been a loner, the kid that needed no one but himself and even though his parents had done everything they could for him and more, he still stabbed them in the back, he killed them, he killed his family.

He stood frozen outside of the burning house as he heard his little brother, Devan, scream. He hadn't done anything, he had just listened to Devan as he screamed in agony, his six year old little brother had died because Derek had been too much of a coward to actually run inside and save him. He had smelt the burned flesh and heard the howls when Laura realized something was wrong, that their family were dying.

He deserved this, he deserved to be punished, he deserved to watch everyone around him die. He didn't deserve a single good thing in his life, and every time he thought he did life proved him otherwise.

Derek teared off his leather jacket and dizzily walked into the living room. On his living room table there was a vase filled with flowers that Haley and Erica had picked for him, he threw it on the ground and watched as the glass shattered, the water splashed and the red petals fell to the floor like droplets of blood.

He stared at the petals and the only thing he could think was: this is his blood. This is my fault.

The darkness of the night was soon tucked around him but his eyes couldn't stop staring at the petals on the floor, he felt like they where mocking him, saying: you killed him, you killed him when you started loving him.

 

*

 

“ _I love you”_

“ _I know”_

“ _How?”_

“ _You told me.”_

“ _No I didn't...”_

“ _You did, by not saying anything at all.” She said and then proceeded to push his pants further down._

_Her eyes, dark, with something he could only describe as madness and lust at the same time. Her hair shone like a golden halo around her head. His personal angel, Kate, who he loved so much._

 

*

 

Stiles had watched as Derek walked away, an angry expression on his face and he realized that Derek still hated him, hated him for that night when Stiles had used him.

Stiles had hoped that Derek would have woken up the next morning, realizing what had happened and then telling Stiles again that he loved him, that there was no idea in trying to hide it after that kiss. But Stiles had heard nothing from Derek, no phone calls, no messages, no nothing.

He waited and waited for Derek to come around but he never did. And since nothing happened after that night, he didn't tell anyone about it, not even Scott, he just let it be a distant memory of something that could have been.

He didn't hear from Derek in months and when he finally did the first thing he got shoved up his face was that Derek was dating someone. Braeden.

Stiles despised her, like nothing ever before, he couldn't even look at her without feeling lost and confused and hurt so he left. It felt like it was the only reasonable thing to do at the time, he left for collage and just never came back for eight years. He convinced himself that he had forgotten about Derek, fucked other guys and girls and just lived his life the best way he could. He thought he had been over Derek but then he saw him with Erica on the reunion and he totally lost it.

 

“Stiles.” A voice in front of him said which got Stiles back into reality.

He was standing on his dad's porch and his dad had just opened the door.

“Hi dad.” He said and scratched his neck.

There was no yelling like Stiles had thought, his dad just took one big step forward and hugged him.

“Don't ever do that to me again. If you leave again you will call me and let me know that you're okay, I was worried Stiles.”

“I'm so sorry dad...” Stiles said with a choked up voice.

He tried to say more, tried to tell his dad what had happened but he couldn't get out a word, instead he started sobbing into his dad's shoulder. His dad hugged him even harder and started saying soothing words into his ear like he used to do when Stiles was younger and for the first time in ten years, Stiles felt completely safe.

“You don't need to tell me, son. Erica has already explained as much as she could.” John said and Stiles felt relieved.

“She's here?” He asked and looked over John's shoulder.

“No, she and Haley just left but I promised we would come by her and Boyd's house later so that you can meet that little ray of sunshine.” John laughed softly and slowly let go of Stiles.

“Boyd? They live together?” Stiles asked, now confused.

“Of course they do, they're married!” John said and laughed at Stiles' chocked expression.

Erica and Boyd? He had thought that Derek and Erica were together, they were during the reunion? Did that mean that Haley was Boyd's and that Derek and Erica broke it off because of that? Stiles' mind went in every direction in search for the answer.

“Son, you know I can read you like a book, right? Shall we go?” His dad asked.

Stiles nodded, glad that his dad didn't waste any time.

 

 

When they arrived, Boyd was out in the garden, watering the flowers. Stiles waved as soon as Boyd looked up and to his surprise, Boyd waved back and actually smiled. John parked the car and Boyd walked up to the car to meet them. Stiles didn't think he could be more surprised with Boyd's behavior but then he went and hugged him.

“It's good to see you Stiles, you too, Sheriff.” Boyd said chocking Stiles some more.

“How many times do I have to tell you, _Vernon George Boyd,_ to call me John?

“Well, at least a few more hundred times.” Boyd said and laughed.

“John! Stiles!” A loud voice shouted and Stiles turned around to face the house.

On the porch stood Erica with a baby in her arms. Haley he reminded himself, looked so tiny, she looked like a little fragile doll. Stiles started walking but as he got closer to Erica and Haley, he felt how dread washed over him. The closer he got, the more he could see how much the baby looked like Derek. Black hair, the same indescribable eye colour and he could clearly see how the baby had Derek's nose. When Stiles reached the first step of the stairs he felt nauseous.

“She's not Boyd's?” Stiles asked before he could stop himself.

Erica looked bashfully at Boyd who were in the middle of a heated discussion with John about how eating vegetables where better for John's cholesterol or not. If not for Derek and Erica's baby that was right in front of him, Stiles would be thankful to Boyd for looking out for his dad.

“No. She's actually Derek's.”

And there it was. Stiles felt like he couldn't breathe. He still didn't really understand the situation with the baby, why Derek wasn't really in the family picture, why Boyd was there instead, but he didn't need to understand the situation. The only thing he had to understand was that Derek, the man who he still loved, had a child and that everything was different.

“Oh dear god... Stiles... I didn't know that you... felt like that for him.” Erica said and looked at him like she could see everything inside him that hurt so bad that it burned him until he felt numb.

“No, I guess not...” He said and turned around.

He couldn't be there, not when Erica looked at him like that. Like he would break, like he was weak, like he would die with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“I can explain Stiles!” She shouted after him but he kept running.

Running away, because that was what he did best, wasn't it?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried through this whole chapter (especially the angst part where Derek totally breaks down) :'(


	6. Heeeeeeeey, I'm so sorry

Hi guys! I am so sorry that I abandoned this story, though I abandoned every single story that I was currently writing. School was such a mess and then I had to get a job so I could move out of my parents house, so I put everything on a shelf.   
This is one of the things on that shelf that I thought I would get back to. I really love this story and it would be amazing if I got to finish it! I'm not sure when I would have time to update it but I just thought that I would let you know that I'm thinking about finishing it. So, look out for updates!

**Author's Note:**

> This was just something I thought about when I watched "American Pie - The Reunion".  
> I don't know if I'm going to write another chapter or if I'm going to leave it like this, sad and all.   
> This is just something I quickly wrote so it's not edited, if you see something that needs fixing, tell me in the comments ^^  
> Thanks for reading, hope you liked it.  
> I'm also at Tumblr: www.sannanight.tumblr.com


End file.
